THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN working a steady job, is getting a steady paycheck. I received a raise in pay for handling the two extra jobs.
After receiving the raise, I no longer had a legitimate excuse not to decorate my apartment, except for my FEAR. I had spent January, February, March, April, and May in an empty apartment.
In the summer of 1982 I felt confident enough to start decorating. However, I decided that I’d work from a place of experience (really fear). I decided I’d pay cash for everything. And to minimize the chances of anyone seeing me out shopping i.e., having a good time, I decided to use Sears Mail Order.
I was still at odds with what trusted people were telling me and what was actually happening, but in the back of my mind I knew not to make ‘The Voices’ or my new nickname for them, The Devilettes, too jealous. They always retaliated when they were jealous. With everything in boxes, they couldn’t be jealous of what they wouldn’t see.
It took a year to furnish the apartment this way. But eventually I made quite a nice place for myself. I remember the first payday I came home and didn’t have anything waiting at Sears for pick-up. I cashed my paycheck and sat in the middle of my furnished living room, on the floor, throwing ones, fives, tens, and twenties, up in the air, letting the bills cascade down over my head. What a lovely feeling! For the first time in my life, I had enough money.
That night I fell asleep in my Sears designer fashion bed with its matching comforter and sheet set which matched the curtains on the window, which were in the same tone as the recliner in the corner.
The next day was a Saturday and I planned on catching the bus to Clearview Shopping Center and buying something nice for ME and not the apartment.
I was awakened from a sound sleep by someone punching me!
I struggled and struggled trying to get my arms up to defend myself, but it felt as though someone else were holding me down while the other person punched me. I was hit in the face, my chest, and my stomach several times. When I was finally able to get up, I was astonished to see – no one. However, I rushed to the bathroom and locked myself in. I sat with my back to the door, afraid my attacker would try it again. After, a few hours and hearing nothing in the apartment, I felt safe to stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I checked every inch of my body. No bruises! I tried to convince myself that I’d had a nightmare. But I decided it was best to cancel the shopping trip to the Clearviewl. I stayed home in my beautifully furnished cage.
The next morning, I was extremely sore in all the areas where I’d been punched
.And this is the reason why I decided to put this book on the internet. After listening to the father of the little girl in the ABC Special, ‘Children With Schizophrenia,’ say how his daughter used the excuse that Rat 400 and the others would hurt her if she didn’t hit her brother. It seemed to me, that he didn’t really believe Rat 400 and the others were hurting her. My advice is, DO BELIEVE HER!!! They most definitely are hurting her.