I WOULDN’T BEG FOR WATER, if my soul were on fire. But I did call in a favor. I called HR in Houston and asked if I could have one EHAP session before they cancelled my health insurance. They said yes.
I needed to talk with someone about the betrayal I felt because of the way I treated by Exxon, and by the people I thought were my friends.
The Counselor wanted to talk about the letters I’d written to Allen. At first, I was confused. And once again I realized that this whole thing had been about my love for Allen. Had there been a real possibility with Allen? Or had Allen, like John Kinds so long ago, been a subterfuge?
She asked if I were still in love with Allen. I took a moment to think, about his not calling, his non offer of help, about not having his shoulder to cry on. In other words, Allen had become a non-enity in my life. I looked directly into her eyes and answered, ‘No, I’m not in love with him anymore.” She looked somewhat stunned and asked me, “Why not.” And I told her all of the above. She nodded her head in agreement. She then made some notes in what I suspected was my file and proceeded on to her next question.
She wanted to know why I had titled my wardrobe plan, ‘God’s Got You Covered’. I told her I didn’t name the wardrobe plan, Emily Cho had. I just put God in front of ‘Got You Covered’. Again, she seemed surprised, and busied herself writing more things in my file.
Next she wanted to know what had happened between Cynthia and me. I told her things changed for me the day Cynthia looked me in the eyes and said she wanted the wardrobe plan because, and I’m quoting Cynthia word for word here, “I’ll look better in it than you do. And “You’re not woman enough for Allen.”
Eventually, we got around to what I needed to talk about. No. Not ‘The Voices.’ That I knew was just mean spirited evilness on the part of people who had grown up in a culture of evil. No, what I wanted to talk about was how do I begin to let go? How do I give up my dreams for a second time? What had I done wrong? How could I have handled it better? How to accept that regular people would believe a lie faster than they’d believe the truth? After we had finished discussing those things, I rose, thanked her, and left.
When I got downstairs to the parking lot, two guys from New Orleans HR were waiting for me. They started to approach but by that time, I didn’t want anything more to do with Exxon Company, USA. So I ran for my car. I drove out of there as quickly as I could and went to the nearest D H Holmes store and bought myself a small box of Godiva chocolates as a reward for doing the impossible.