Stalked! By Voices – Chapter 76

Chapter 76

PEOPLE BEGAN TO NOTICE. For the first time in a long time my weight was below two hundred and forty pounds. I got compliments and I got invites.

In the summer of 1983 Violet Washington, she was the administrative assistant for the Western Gulf of Mexico Group, asked me to attend a Bible Study in the home of a friend.

I’d been with Exxon for two years and even though I worked extremely hard and received raises, I never got a promotion. The promotions always went to someone else. To make matters worse, Exxon had an internal newspaper and I had the great joy of reading about all the promotions of other administrative assistants.

I guess Vi saw how disappointed I was at being passed over again and again because she explained that both she and Valerie, the administrative assistant for the Eastern Gulf of Mexico Group, had been with Exxon far longer than me and neither one of them had ever received a promotion. “Be patient,” she told me and don’t place your hopes in this world. She said she had a better place where I should place them.

Perhaps I went because I was angry at not being promoted. Perhaps I went because I was lonely. Or perhaps I went because somewhere deep down inside I knew I needed God. But whatever the reason, I went.

The Bible Study was in the home of Valerie and Fidel Constantini. Since I didn’t have a car, Vi picked me up that Wednesday evening and together we went to the Bible Study.

I found I enjoyed the meetings a great deal. The lessons were enlightening and I especially liked socializing with the people after the lessons were over.

The next Tuesday, I asked Vi if she were going to the Bible Study, she said that the Bible Studies were held only once a month. Other Wednesdays the Bible Study members attended Church. Church, I asked. I’d never heard of attending Church in the middle of the week. I asked her what doctrine is your Church teaching. She said, ‘being washed in the blood of Christ.” I nearly tripped over the furniture getting out of there.

But the very next month, when asked, I agreed to go to another Bible Study. I became more involved and better informed. I wanted more, but Vi had an old car and lived in New Orleans East and I lived way out west in Kenner, near the airport – about a forty-five minute drive – one way — for her. It was a sacrifice on Vi’s part picking me up for the Bible Studies.

 https://stalkedbyvoices.wordpress.com

 

　

　

Stalked! By Voices – Chapter 75

 Chapter 75

I PUT IN CABLE AND BOUGHT A BIKE. While I went out socially, after work with the guys and gals in my work group, I always ended up going home alone. No dates. No boyfriends. No men friends with benefits. Nope. Not for this girl!

I had cable installed because I’d read somewhere that bad dreams were sometimes triggered by stress or loneliness. To further combat my loneliness, I invited my brother (who loved football) and my sister-in-law (who loved not cooking on Sundays) over for Cable football and brunch after Church.

Next thing I did wa to buy a bike. I bought the bike when I realized that Saturday, not Sunday, was my most stressful day. With no office to go to and no car to get to the movies or to the mall, I’d sit on the sofa and look out the window at all the cars going by on Starrett Road. With the bike I could at least bike to the nearby strip mall or just pedal around the neighborhood and get some fresh air.

When you’re young, stress is sitting in your lonely apartment imaging what a wonderful time everyone else is having. (I have a saying for that now, it’s called ‘drinking the Kool-aid’. It’s when you swallow the New York Ad Agencies latest spiel hook, line, and sinker. Also, when start putting way to much emphasis on what other people are doing and saying, you make yourself vulnerable to every lie and scam being put forth by ‘The Voices/Stalkers.)

But there was just one little problem with having a bike. Growing up my parents had been far too poor to buy any of us bikes. So, I never learned to ride one. Now at the ripe old age of twenty-nine I had to teach myself how to ride a bike. To complicate matters, I weighed two hundred and forty pounds and wore a size twenty-four. While living in my step-mother’s basement, I’d regained all the weight I’d lost while dating Jerry.

I knew I didn’t want anyone seeing my fat old self struggling trying to learn something that every ten year old knew how to do. My solution was to get up at five in the morning, dress in dark clothes, and slowly and ever so quietly take the bike downstairs (I lived up on the second floor) and go out for a ‘ride’. Mainly, I walked and wobbled my way around until about seven in the morning. Then I’d ease my way back up the stairs, take a shower, fix breakfast, and watch the Smurfs.

After I got the hang of it, I found I enjoyed biking and before long I was down to a very firm two hundred pounds and a size twenty.

https://stalkedbyvoices.wordpress.com

 

My Stalking Blog – Pain

The other day I blogged about an incident that happened in my apartment in Kenner, Louisiana and how it related to the ABC Special on Children with Schizophrenia. Check out Chapter 74 of Stalked! By Voices

This blog is for all those family members who are frustrated with a relative diagnosed with schizophrenia who can’t explain how he or she keeps getting injured.

Here’s my list of unexplained injuries.

Hicupps

Coughing spells  (its that tickle in your throat that won’t let you stop coughing — even when you use cough drops or gum — especially when you’re in public and there’s a need for quiet.

Severe leg cramps   (so severe it feels as though the muscle is being ripped away from the bone.)

 

Joint dislocations  In my case, left shoulder, left knee and right ankle.

Throwing up.   Especially after your favorite meal.

Stomach aches  (Always on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day)  No Holidays for stalkers.

Diaherra  (Going some place where you need to be on time)

Excessive peeing   (Same as for Diaherra)

Jabs.  Feels like you’re being stuck with a big needle.  (Can happen anywhere on the body. But because I’m sensitive about my eyes.  I get jabbed in my right eye a lot.)

Bone pain  (Feels like your bone is going to explode.)

 

Sudden muscle weakness.  (You’re walking along and one of your legs suddenly go out from under you.)

Then there are the actual physical attacks. Anytime I leave the house. I know I must stay on guard constantly.

Take for example, one morning on my way to a temp job for Ameritech. I was taking The Blue Line into Chicago very early in the morning to get to the North Side location. I made the mistake of falling asleep on the train. I was awaken by a sharp prick in my right arm. I woke to see one of the stalkers laughing at me. I grabbed my arm and then started to get up to catch her to find out what she’d stuck me with, but she pushed her way through the crowded morning commuter train and opened the door and went through to another car. A couple of weeks later I developed lock jaw. I was treated at the Alma Clinic in Maywood.

Another time, I was on a temp job with HSBC, I made the mistake of leaving my reading glasses on my desk while I went to the ladies room. When I came back, a few of the girls who were in the room sort of looked at me funny but said nothing. I put my glasses on and went back to work. A few days later I developed a sever eye infection that resulted in the development of cataracts. I was treated for the infection at Alma, Loyola Medical Center’s ER, and Stroger Hospital.

The Voices/stalkers know that I have cataracts so their thing now is to put on their car’s bright lights at night when I’m on my way home. If this had happened once in a while I might not think it was them but it happens every night on the way home at all the dangerous intersections I go through. So, it takes a little longer getting home because I have to constantly pull over to let their go by.

Right now, I’m currently trying to heal a dislocated left knee and right ankle. A few weeks ago, I was awaken during the night in severe pain. It felt as though someone had stomped on my knee, dislocating it.

If The Voices/Stalkers are in your head, they can cause you PAIN! Below is an excerpt on Pain from Wikipedia.

The somatosensory system is a diverse sensory system comprising the receptors and processing centers to produce the sensory modalities such as touch, temperature, body position, and pain.

The sensory receptors cover the skin and epithelia, skeletal muscles, bones and joints, internal organs, and the cardiovascular system.

(Remember in the opener for Stalked! By Voices, I wrote about how my father kept saying, “They killed her!, meaning The Stalkers killed my mother.  This is how I think it was done!

The primary somatosensory area in the human cortex is located in the postcentral gyrus of the parietal lobe.

Click on the link below to read more about pain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatosensory_system

Stalked! By Voices – Chapter 74

Chapter 74

THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN working a steady job, is getting a steady paycheck. I received a raise in pay for handling the two extra jobs.

After receiving the raise, I no longer had a legitimate excuse not to decorate my apartment, except for my FEAR. I had spent January, February, March, April, and May in an empty apartment.

In the summer of 1982 I felt confident enough to start decorating. However, I decided that I’d work from a place of experience (really fear). I decided I’d pay cash for everything. And to minimize the chances of anyone seeing me out shopping i.e., having a good time, I decided to use Sears Mail Order.

I was still at odds with what trusted people were telling me and what was actually happening, but in the back of my mind I knew not to make ‘The Voices’ or my new nickname for them, The Devilettes, too jealous. They always retaliated when they were jealous. With everything in boxes, they couldn’t be jealous of what they wouldn’t see.

It took a year to furnish the apartment this way. But eventually I made quite a nice place for myself. I remember the first payday I came home and didn’t have anything waiting at Sears for pick-up. I cashed my paycheck and sat in the middle of my furnished living room, on the floor, throwing ones, fives, tens, and twenties, up in the air, letting the bills cascade down over my head. What a lovely feeling! For the first time in my life, I had enough money.

That night I fell asleep in my Sears designer fashion bed with its matching comforter and sheet set which matched the curtains on the window, which were in the same tone as the recliner in the corner.

The next day was a Saturday and I planned on catching the bus to Clearview Shopping Center and buying something nice for ME and not the apartment.

I was awakened from a sound sleep by someone punching me! 

I struggled and struggled trying to get my arms up to defend myself, but it felt as though someone else were holding me down while the other person punched me. I was hit in the face, my chest, and my stomach several times. When I was finally able to get up, I was astonished to see – no one. However, I rushed to the bathroom and locked myself in. I sat with my back to the door, afraid my attacker would try it again. After, a few hours and hearing nothing in the apartment, I felt safe to stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I checked every inch of my body. No bruises! I tried to convince myself that I’d had a nightmare. But I decided it was best to cancel the shopping trip to the Clearviewl. I stayed home in my beautifully furnished cage.

The next morning, I was extremely sore in all the areas where I’d been punched

.And this is the reason why I decided to put this book on the internet. After listening to the father of the little girl in the ABC Special, ‘Children With Schizophrenia,’ say how his daughter used the excuse that Rat 400 and the others would hurt her if she didn’t hit her brother. It seemed to me, that he didn’t really believe Rat 400 and the others were hurting her. My advice is, DO BELIEVE HER!!! They most definitely are hurting her.

https://stalkedbyvoices.wordpress.com

 

Stalked! By Voices – Chapter 73

Chapter 73

I’D BEEN EMPLOYED WITH EXXON three months, and living in my brother’s home for a year, when my sister-in-law found me an apartment on the other side of town. 1101 N. Starrett Road, Apt D, Kenner, Louisiana. It was a one-bedroom no frills apartment that rented for three hundred and fifty dollars a month.

My starting salary at Exxon was thirteen thousand dollars a year, (Did you catch that Triskaidekaphobia salary? Coincidence?) So paying the rent was not a problem. However, with the new apartment came memories of my last apartment back in Maywood. I was literally afraid of enjoying the place and of owning anything. Having things, especially nice things, usually brought nothing but trouble. And I didn’t want any trouble – not now. I had a job I loved working with people I cared about. And I didn’t want that taken away. So I waited months before doing anything to the apartment.

After several visits (my brother and sister-in-law usually came to visit me after Church on Sundays) to my empty apartment my sister-in-law, Jeanette, gave me an old bedroom set she and my brother had stored in their garage. Other than that, the apartment was empty.

At work things were going well. When the Training Coordinator quit, I volunteered to do that job along with my regular one, while still maintaining the File Room.

The Training Coordinator’s job was to schedule training courses (both in-house and away) for all one hundred and two offshore rig workers and for the thirty-five engineers working in the Drilling office. Adding to that was the hour and half bus ride from Kenner to the CBD – Central Business District where Exxon’s new Offices were and the hour and a half bus ride back in the evenings to Kenner. Some evenings I was so exhausted by the time I returned home, it was all I could do to stay awake through dinner.

One night in particular stands out for me. I came home exhausted but hungry.

Determined to lose some of the weight I’d picked up, I was eating everything fresh and home cooked. No take out. Most evenings that meant skinless chicken breast, rice, and vegetables.

I put a little oil in a heavy cast iron skillet, turned the flame down low, plopped in a chicken breast to brown, while the rice simmered in a small sauce pan on the back burner. I went into the bedroom to change figuring I’d go to bed right after eating. I sat down on the bed, and heard a voice whisper, “You’re so tired. Rest.”

I woke to an apartment filled with white smoke so thick, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. I felt along the walls until I found the front door. I flung the door open and smoke billowed out of my apartment.

The apartment building where I lived had a front walkway balcony for those living on the second floor as I did. I remember standing there on that balcony absolutely convinced that someone had tried to kill me by spraying smoke into my apartment. Why you ask?

Reason number one: Smoke is billowing out of my apartment in volumes but neither neighbor on either side of me has out of their apartment to complain about the smoke.

Reason number two was the color of the smoke. I’d always thought that smoke from a fire, especially a grease fire, would be gray, brown, or black. But never white. Years later my suspicions would be confirmed while watching a TV special about what to do in a fire. I learned from that TV show that there is such a thing as ‘theoretical smoke’ and it’s usually WHITE!

And finally, I wasn’t choking on the smoke. That’s why I was able to stay calm and find my way to the front door.

After the smoke cleared, I calmly went back inside the apartment and examined the food I’d been cooking. The chicken and the rice were just barley burnt mostly from the time I’d spent standing outside on the balcony.

https://stalkedbyvoices.wordpress.com